30 things you’ll NEVER hear a cricketer say

18 Sep 2014

I (40)

Cricket clichés are constantly thrown around the cricket sheds, so we thought we'd compile a list of 30 things you'd never hear come out of a cricketers mouth.

If you've got one for us, tweet it to @ACA_Players and hashtag #thingscricketersneversay.

30 things you’ll NEVER hear a cricketer say

  1. I’ll carry the drinks today
  2. Nah, the sun WASN’T in my eyes
  3. On second thought, he smashed it onto his pad, so I’ll withdraw my appeal
  4. I love fielding at fine leg
  5. I love fielding at long-on
  6. I love fielding at silly mid-on
  7. I love fielding
  8. Hand me your bat, I’ll knock it in for you
  9. I hope the bowler comes around the wicket and fires thunderbolts into my rib cage
  10. That edge that flew over the slips was quite lucky. I guess can use that every now and again, hey!
  11. I’m happy to make the sandwiches next week
  12. I can’t wait for the warm-up lap
  13. I hope we follow on
  14. That run out was definitely my fault
  15. I know I’m only a tail-ender but personally, I love the challenge of the second new ball
  16. I hope the coach puts me in as nightwatchman
  17. Hey skip, let me bowl into the wind
  18. I’ll put my hand up for the rotation policy this game, coach
  19. Hand me the gloves, I’ll fill in while the keeper goes off injured
  20. Baseball is a much more entertaining sport than cricket
  21. Boundaries don’t phase me, I prefer to push singles all day
  22. Hand me the book, I’ll do the scoring
  23. Sure, you can borrow my box as often as you like
  24. I want to practice facing beamers today
  25. No problem, bowl as far over the line in the nets as you like
  26. Want another hour of throw-downs, mate?
  27. Mind if I spend an extra ten minutes in the ice-bath?
  28. Stop apologising for dropping that catch off my hat-trick ball – those types of opportunities come around all the time
  29. You’re right ump, it probably was just sliding down leg
  30. I know I was on 99 but I think declaring was the right thing to do